Why The Holidays Can Be So Damn Hard

It is that time of the year again, the holidays.  There is an unsaid expectation that the holiday season is supposed to be the “best” most “wonderful” time of the year!  With festive family get togethers and many social festivities, a misconception can be that everyone’s holidays are cheerful and wonderful.

But for some the holidays are very hard and downright dreadful.  In my years in the field, we know that therapist do get an influx of clients calling in crisis for appointments during the holidays.  They want to be seen TODAY, RIGHT NOW, or SOON because they are having a hard time managing their stress, anxiety, sadness, and/or emotions.

Why Are The Holidays So Hard For Some?

For some, the reality is they have a very dysfunctional family and getting together with them will hurt them more than help them.  There are many individuals who have suffered trauma due their family members and upbringing.  Whether it was having an alcoholic father, a mother addicted to drugs, witnessed domestic violence growing up, or were abused in some way by someone in the family or a family friend.  These types of situations can trigger a lot of emotions during the holidays and can cause A LOT of distress.

It can also be hard for some due to their unique family dynamics.  For some, their parents are split up and they feel they must split their time between both- it gets even harder when you have a significant other and now must spend time not only both your parents now your partner’s family as well!

Some families members don’t talk to one another for x ,y, or z reason.  What was once something so beautiful growing up; having all the family getting together at one place, aunts, uncles, and cousins, is now nonexistent.  Some get together and celebrate with each other and don’t include the others.  It makes for a sad holiday time.

Many have little to no family around to celebrate with.  It can be that the person moved far away from their family and cannot travel to see them for the holidays.  Some may not have any family left to celebrate with.

A loss of a loved one can trigger much sadness for some.  No longer having that person around during the holiday season brings many emotions which can take the joy we once felt during the holiday season.

What can be done to cope with these emotions during these times?

Know you are not the only one feeling this way.  There are many people who do not look forward to the holidays and are going through something similar as you.  Don’t buy into that misconception of holidays being cheerful for all. Don’t feel isolated, you are not the only one.

Know that it is OKAY to say NO to that family holiday dinner.  If it’s too triggering for you to handle, then skip it.  Set your boundaries, be firm with them and do not do something you are not comfortable with to please someone else. Your emotional and mental wellbeing is more important than making Mami, or abuela (grandmother) upset.  Your health comes first!

Have an alternative plan.  Go on that vacation you have been wanting to go on, do that spiritual retreat you have been saying you were going to do for years.  Go to your best friend’s Christmas Eve gathering.  I know in my family, our friends (who are like family) are ALWAYS welcomed and we are happy when they join us. 

Reminder of what it is you are really supposed to be celebrating.  This might help you reframe and refocus the meaning on the holidays.  The holidays are meant to reflect and give thanks to some, to rejoice and celebrate the birth of Jesus, and to celebrate a New Year with new beginnings.  Maybe volunteering at a local agency to feed those less fortunate will help with making the holidays’ easier, or cleaning and clearing out the clutter and junk from your space to start the new year right can do the trick.  For those of you who no longer have that special person to celebrate with, maybe doing something to honor their memory during the holiday season.  If your loved one used to make amazing dessert, then honor them by making their pumpkin rolls, or their yummy empanadas!

Make your own path and create healthy traditions this holiday season! Wishing you all many blessings, with love and gratitude!